WARNING: This is a PG-13 rated chapter. Meaning if your UNDER 13, you might want to turn back.
Me and Ian spent our honeymoon at on Twikkii Island! An absolutley gorgeous beach paradise!
I feel like I'm living in my favorite romance novel....the best romance novel of them all......
Emily: So tell me handsome, any interesting rock star stories?
Ian: Well, I have one....you know this is my first time in a long time i've been in a hotel with another girl....
Emily: Why? What happened?!
Ian: A few weeks before the concert in Cardigan Springs...I had a fling with this girl in a Las Vegas hotel, that was BEFORE I realized she was a hooker, we were just talking about Vegas and the sort, and then she invited me to her hotel room and things went a little insane.....
Ian: So what happened was that me and Suzie were having drinks in her hotel room and she was really sweet to me and I was talking about how me and the band travel the U.S....
Ian: So then, we sat next to each other on the couch and she tells me she wants to paint my fingernails black, it felt really strange but at least she liked how it looked....she then excused herself into the bathroom. I knew she was doing the whole "slip into something more comfortable" routine.
Ian: As expected she walked back into the living room wearing nothing but stilletto heels a black leather bikini and for some reason she had a violin bow in her hand. I thought "hmmm this could be interesting"
Ian: She then began to parade herself around me and began to take my clothes off, Me and the guys were hanging out in a public pool earlier and I totally forgot I was wearing my speedo underneath. That got her totally excited!
Ian: But then she got on her knees and started to paint my toenails in a bright pink nail polish and put little daisies on my big toe. I had it with her nail painting crap so I jerked my foot away and she went absolutley mental on me.
Ian: She began whipping me with her violin bow and she was yelling at me for no reason!! so I got up and RAN. She was throwing everything she could at me, wine glasses, flower vases...
Ian: I then knelt down to find my clothes and there she was, right behind me with a violin. Before I realized what she was doing, (CRASH) she whacked down the violin on my butt and it must have broken in a million peices!
Ian: I found a pair of camo running shorts and just booked it out of the hotel!!!
Ian: I ran into Vincent in the street and he was all like "What the HELL happened? We lost you at the club and we were looking all over for you!!!" I told him "Its a long story" and ran to the hotel we were staying at.
Emily: Oh my God were you alright?!
Ian: Yeah, I was just embarrassed. But that was only one story.....
Ian: I remember this one time in New Orleans, we were going to do a gig in Baton Rouge soon and me and Mike decided to check out a nightclub called "Earth"
Ian: We grabbed a table in the corner and bought a massive bottle of Cajun Whisky. We downed shot after shot while admiring 3 beautiful women wearing bikinis. "Yo Ian their hot chicks, arent they?" Mike said.
Ian:"Yeah! We really lucked out!" I said as we toasted to our sucsessful U.S tour! Then, the music stopped and the three girls simultaniously removed their bikini bottoms and revealed something shocking. THEIR MALE GENITALIA!!
Ian: "OH MY GOD, ITS A GIRL WITH A DICK!!" Mike shouted, spilling his drink over. "Wait hold on a second....Its three TRANSVESTITES!!!" I shouted "It's three MEN!! Those are guys!! lets get the HELL out of here!!"
Ian: Me and Mike just ran out of that club and made a mad dash for our hotel. "Wow...that was both disturbing and confusing..." "Yeah for a second I thought girls could have.......penises....."
Ian: The whole experiance got worse and worse. We went to the hotel suite where we found Vincent and his girlfriend snuggling on the couch while watching the porno channel.
Ian: We sat down next to them on the couch, thats when I noticed that the coffee table was shaped like a massive penis. "Hey, great show, isnt it!" Vincent pointed at the TV where a svelte,scantily clad woman was caressing the pecs of a large, bearded shirtless muscular man.
Ian: "Vincent, I've GOT to get out of here." "Oh, don't be such a pussy, dude! Enjoy the show!" Vincent applauded the apathetic couple on the TV screen as they laid on the couch and began to have intercourse. "Look, Vin I'd rather be doing it than wacthing it." "Well MABYE if you would SHUT THE HELL UP, you might learn a little something about making love!!" Vincent's girlfriend yelled at me.
Ian: I glanced over to Mike, lighting up a cigarette and shaking his head in total disgust.
Twikkii Island is a magical place, full of mystery and wonder! The fire dancers were the BEST part of our vacation!
Ian even mastered it and showed me how to do it when we got home!
Even after the honeymoon....we spent our nights
loving....touching....and squeezing...... just like the Journey song....
